im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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