So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
