I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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