Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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