I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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