Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
