I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He has the fingertips of a God
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