i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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