I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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