You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
