where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
