We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
