he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
