I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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