Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
