Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize