It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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