How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
