she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
