marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
