i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so let's talk penis.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
