come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
