my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
