She's JV to your varsity
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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