Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
