did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
