She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
