He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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