Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
