I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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