what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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