Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
