I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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