she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
