I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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