The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
