i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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