There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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