I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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