he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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