i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
