whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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