Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
