Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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