respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
