I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
