She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
