you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
