we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
