Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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