I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
