It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
