i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
