apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
