it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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