I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
