some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
