duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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