I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This house was built for laser tag.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
