Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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