He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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