My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
