he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
