I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
