Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
