hotel room ftw
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
