I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
