And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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